I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
why is half of my head shaved?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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