you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
