he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
