So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
