tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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