you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
