He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
