I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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