Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
