College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
