I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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