Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
