What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
