sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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