I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
