Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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