i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
