he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
