$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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