It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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