lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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