yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
