Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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