I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
