The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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