Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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