we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
