I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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