Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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