you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
