i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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