Redeem this text for a blowjob
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
