So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need to calm my uterus...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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