Im at strip club and am horny
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
