chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
