You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Two words: nipple clamps
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