if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just gift wrapped bread.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
