They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
