Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
