just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
