Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
