if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
