I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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