Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
