idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
