great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
