Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Alive.
So much puke
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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