your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
