my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
