A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
