dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Mom said you looked used
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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