roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
this hospital has no fireball
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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