Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
