But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
