isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
