We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
