the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
