I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
